Some patients’ cancer is caught early on, when it’s possible to intervene and predict a rosy future. Other patients find their cancer has advanced to late Stage 3 or Stage 4 by the time it’s discovered. For them, doctors often scramble to find acceptable options that can have a positive effect for cancer that’s already out of control. But for many patients, their cancer is caught in that middle ground, when it’s not really horrible enough to be critical, but also not easily treated and forgotten.
It’s so hard to keep the fears at bay when there is uncertainty. When a patient hears that the prognosis is good, the glass is more than half full, so it’s easy to keep one’s optimism going. But when a prognosis is “wait and see”, and the patient is looking at the potential of having repeated treatment courses over the next few years, the glass is less than half full. How does a heart not feel disappointment over the prospect of handling all that uncertainty?
More importantly, how long will it take for doctors to feel confident that the cancer has been controlled enough for a patient to begin planning his or her future? Two years? Five years? During that time, there will be no promises, no guarantees, no certainty that the treatment is working.
How does a caregiver help a cancer patient get through that long, seemingly endless wait? How can you help your loved one stay focused and motivated, even after cancer treatment ends and the next months are spent waiting to see the results of the next body scan?
First, consider this. What are the goals of your loved one over the next year, and are they reasonable? Sometimes cancer patients stop living while they wait to find out if they are going to survive the cancer. Imagine putting your life on hold until you know. Think of what that means. You can’t make any long-term plans until you’re sure you will be available the following year. What does that say about this year? That it’s not worth living?
Second, what is the condition of your loved one at this moment in time? What is he or she capable of achieving and what kind of support will help him or her get it done?
Third, how will you feel if you let your loved one languish during the wait for news, especially if it turns out the news isn’t good? Will you have regrets that you didn’t take the time to help your loved one to complete achievable goals now?
If your loved one is treading through that great “unknown”, when it’s impossible to know how all of this will work out in the end, seize the day. Take what is before you and make it matter. Understand the role of worry and stress on patients and the damage that can result. If your loved one spends the next year in an emotional limbo, that will result in greater stress, and that stress often has real physical manifestations. Your goal, as a caregiver, is to help your loved one be as healthy as possible under the circumstances. That means understand that stress over time can do great damage to the physical body, but it can do even greater damage over to the heart and mind.
If your loved one puts his or her life on hold while waiting for the results of cancer treatment, he or she will begin to direct all energy towards waiting and wondering. It becomes a habit to stick to the sidelines of life. When the wait is over, what will your loved one have to show for all that sacrifice? If the news is good, your loved one will need to get back to normal activities, but he or she will still have to work through that anxiety and fear that the cancer is still dangerous. If the news is bad, he or she will have lost all the time spent waiting, without a positive outcome waiting in the wings.
That is why it is so important to embrace the here and now and make it work for your loved one. He or she probably won’t be able to climb mountains or leap tall buildings, but if there is a dream that’s achievable, now’s the time to go for it.
Sometimes it’s not easy to live in the here and now. Your loved one may hesitate for fear of not being able to finish reaching for a dream. That’s why it’s important for you, as caregiver, to help your loved one focus on the achievable goals and to make the effort to get to each finish line. Build on each success as it’s achieved. When your loved one reaches the first, start planning the second. Not only will this help improve the confidence level, it will create a more positive momentum. You’ll both find the long wait feels shorter and that time goes by more quickly because your loved one is focused on living, not dying. However things turn out, you will always have these moments that you shared, and the goals that are reached will be part of your loved one’s history, regardless of what course cancer takes.