You will never get to meet Tequila Sepulveda. She died in the middle of March, earlier this year. But she left the world a wondrous gift, in the form of her blog, “Must not Fear”.
Oh, I know what you might be thinking — you can’t bear to read the thoughts, hopes, and worries of yet another cancer victim. It’s too heartbreakingly painful to know that she failed to beat back the Beast. But you would be wrong. Tequila has left a glorious legacy. You see, she gave us lessons in how to live with cancer, how to make the best of the worst thing ever, and she did it with so much gusto, it’s hard not to feel her enthusiasm for love, family, and life.
If anyone ever embodied the concept of quality of life in the face of overwhelming odds, it is Tequila Sepulveda. Yes, she was given a diagnosis of Stage IV esophageal cancer in September of 2010, and yes, she was struck again in May of 2011 by even more disastrous news, adrenal gland cancer. You might expect that to have done her in, but Tequila was tested by many other issues along the way, including COPD and a much earlier bout with cancer that was successfully treated.
So, what will you find if you read her blog? You will find the quintessential primer on what helps a cancer patient survive against the odds. In those words she wrote, she gave us an understanding of how a person can rise above those terrifying obstacles and continue to enjoy life as best as possible, even as life slips away.
Tequila was a business analyst, and that’s a good part of why her blog is so helpful. She was constantly assessing her life, from the medications she took to the effects on her body, from her emotions to her hopes and desires. She was on a quest to vanquish the fear, and as you read back through all the many posts, you begin to understand what an amazing woman she really was. But she was made amazing by the circle that cared for her, and they were made amazing by her.
So often, cancer patients become bitter and angry with their circumstances, and the last few months of life can sometimes be full of rage, sadness, or even despair. Tequila chose not to live that way. She made a brave decision to fight the fear any way she could. And in doing so, she constantly reached out to remain connected to life. That connection is critical to quality of life. It’s what helps us understand that we can get through the painful and difficult times if we recognize the love. Tequila told us what helped her to get through her ordeal — it was all the family and friends who stood by her, who encouraged her, especially when the pain was great and she was at the point of “abysmal despair”. Heed those words, cancer caregivers. Understand what she is telling us. We can and we do make a difference when we reach out to our loved ones, when we light a candle in the darkness.
But it was more than that. Tequila was a “people person”, and even as she fought hard to battle the cancer, she worked with her medical team. She followed their advice and paid attention to what worked and what didn’t. She communicated back and forth in her effort to have the best quality of life. That’s important for cancer patients. If doctors and nurses are aware of a patient’s problems with medication, they can make adjustments. And when it’s not possible to make adjustments, sometimes they can help a patient cope. Palliative care is so critical for people managing such serious diseases. How well you feel affects your outlook on life, and even when there is no cure for the disease, comfort medicine can ease the stress.
This is a great blog to read when you’re feeling helpless because Tequila was filled with hope. Even as the cancer grew and began to take over, read between the lines. Listen to the human spirit at work. Whether it’s fretting about her vegetables, which her sisters protected from the cold, or her beloved dogs, Tequila spent every day engaged in the life around her. She was so appreciative of those who cared for her, but I suspect it was oh-so-very-mutual. That’s because Tequila was Tequila, a lover of life. She never seemed to lose her passion, her joie de vivre. She embraced everything good — chocolate, chihuahuas, wine, flowers, food, conversation, and especially time spent with those who mattered most to her. Appreciating the sweet things in life is an art, and Tequila was an experienced connoisseur.
Her words speak of more than just this mortal coil that keeps us grounded here on earth. She saw greater things beyond the fear she fought so hard to overcome. She saw the beauty in the human spirit. When you are filled with doubts, her genuine words will remind you to live in the here-and-now, to embrace the joy and use it to propel yourself above the fear, the doubts, and the anger.
There are no miracles beyond those contained within the human heart, no last-minute reprieve for Tequila or her circle of family and friends. She does die, and sadly, we know but a small portion of that loss. But that gift she left us — that we are what we are and who we are, with the power to rise above our misery –is important for those of us who strive to live life as well as possible. Her blog reminds us that cancer doesn’t always win. Tequila chose to vanquish her fear and she succeeded, by seeking out love every day she survived. She embraced it, embodied it, and encouraged it in others. And she left us with instructions that we, too, should reach out and grab it, share it, grow it. These are not empty words. By the end of her life, Tequila was a master who proved that love does really conquer all, for she brought people together in a world that is too often fractured by selfishness, self-loathing, and sorrow. Tequila was a light in this world, and even though she is now gone, that light lives on.