It’s funny how many times normal life as I know it gets interrupted by cancer. Whether it’s a friend whose epic battle rages on, through brutal chemotherapy regimens, or someone I love getting a devastating diagnosis on an undetected and very lethal type of cancer, it seems like every time I turn around, that beast is going after the people I care about in this world.
This is the season of celebrations, of holiday parties, joyful gatherings, and family times. For most of us, it’s something to look forward to with delighted anticipation. But for someone who has an immune system weakened by cancer treatment, it can be a royal bummer.
Why? The minute you’re told you can’t go out to the movies or eat in your favorite crowded restaurant, what little fun you have in your life evaporates. When you hear that you need to avoid the general public, it’s heartbreaking. It’s the equivalent of being sentenced to solitary confinement in a dreary jail cell.
Or is it? That subject came up recently in a cancer circle. How can you have any fun if you’re stuck at home? You might be surprised.
Having spent some time working with hospitalized kids in the pediatric wards of a couple of hospitals, I saw firsthand the value of keeping bedridden patients engaged in having fun. Why shouldn’t adults benefit from the same strategy? Laughter makes us feel better. Playing keeps our spirits light. When we’re having a good time, we aren’t thinking about what cancer is taking from us. We’re thinking about what we enjoy. That’s great medicine for our psyches.
When my mom had to lay low, we brought the fun to her. We had movie afternoons and evenings that were great fun. She loved movies, so we got her premium movie channels for the TV and got her a subscription to Netflix. Sure, she could watch the movies by herself, but the truth is my mother was a social butterfly. There was nothing she enjoyed more than watching them with other people, so we made it an occasion.
When she couldn’t go out to dinner in a crowded restaurant, we brought dinner to her and made it a festive occasion. When she couldn’t mingle with other customers at local stores, we made sure she got to choose what groceries she wanted us to bring home. And sometimes, just because she was going bonkers staring at the same four walls, we went for long exploratory drives that took us on the roads less traveled.
People who are facing the serious challenge of wonky blood counts and suppression of the immune system during treatments still need to have social lives. They still need to feel like they belong to the living world. That’s why, as cancer caregivers, it’s important that we make fun happen for our loved ones.
Whether you read a favorite book to a loved one whose hands are challenged by neuropathy or you get together in the kitchen to prepare a favorite meal, think outside the box. When the outside world seems to pose a great risk, open up the house and let the sun shine in. What’s wrong with inviting a few friends over for a game of cards or dominos? What’s wrong with picking up a tasty meal to share with family?
The important thing to remember is that life is always supposed to be fun, and never is this more important than when cancer snatches away our loved ones’ quality of life. As cancer caregivers, it’s our responsibility to address the psychological aspects of such a blow. We want our loved ones to remain invested in life. The last thing we want is for them to feel all the good times are gone and despair is all that lingers on. Without fun activities, the hours drag on and on, pulling down the fragile spirit of someone challenged by cancer and its treatment.
Make an effort to lift your loved one’s spirits by making home, sweet home even sweeter. Know what your loved one enjoys and make it happen at home. No one wants to be alone, like some sad, little bubble boy encapsulated in a plastic sphere, forced to play alone while everyone else has playmates. Keep plenty of hand sanitizer at the ready, wash your hands frequently, and make sure all visitors know that no one should come who might have a cold, the flu, or any other virus. You want your loved one to be safe, so take simple and smart precautions. And then open the door. Invite the laughter, the love, the joy into the house. Make your loved one part of all the action, at a pace he or she can handle. Build on the moments that make us feel connected as human beings. Respect your loved one’s endurance level. It’s amazing what that will do for the human spirit. It sends the message that life goes on, even with the challenges of being vulnerable to infection. That means cancer doesn’t win this one. Cancer is not in charge of our inner children. We are.
Whether you host a party to trim your tree or invite folks over to spin a dreidel, give your loved one the chance to be involved. Bring the joy of the season home. Don’t be afraid to go hog wild. Don’t worry about overdoing the lights, the festive music, the food. Better to have too much fun (is that even possible?) than not enough. Celebrate!