In the real world, people come and go with blinders on. We all too often ignore the good and the bad that we see every day. We go about our daily lives automatically and we let ourselves get bogged down by petty problems, disagreements, and obstacles. We’re really only half alive to what is in front of us and we never really reach out for that brass ring. And then cancer shows up and life as we know it is turned upside down. Nothing will ever be the same.
The first time I set eyes on Michelle Whitehead Hastings, I was sitting in a conference room at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Goodyear, Arizona, at a Blogger Summit. It was hard not to notice her. She was electric, from the wild streak of color in her hair to her bright clothing to her effervescent personality. When she walked into the room, she was hard to ignore because she exuded life. Everywhere she went, there was a crackle of electricity. That’s because she’s a real live wire.
In conversations we shared here and there during the weekend, one thing leapt out at me. Michelle was passionate about living life. Forget the cancer for a moment. Forget the grueling treatments and the side effects. Forget the debilitating effect it has on the survivor and the family. If there was one thing Michelle was determined to do it was to live despite cancer. That #&*+= cancer wasn’t going to spoil the party!
I went home with the memory of this vibrant, funny, warm woman etched on my mind and I never stopped caring. That’s because Michelle’s greatest strength is her ability to get everyone on the bus for a memorable ride through life.
Over the last few years, I’ve continued to follow her Facebook postings through the ups and downs she’s faced, through the trips to Las Vegas, the country music concerts, the renewal of her marriage vows with her adored husband, and the adventures with her kids. And through it all, I’ve known one thing. Michelle really does know how to live.
Even in hospice care, she knows how to live. She asked folks not to start mourning her yet, because she’s still busy working on her Bucket list. (Actually, studies have shown that people who enter hospice care tend to live longer than those who don’t, and they experience a higher quality of life — Michelle seems determined to prove that premise right.) And what a Bucket list it is!
What spurred me to write about Michelle and tell you that you should follow her lead? It was a photo she posted the other day. She and her brothers were off to the tattoo parlor to get matching tattoos that would remind them of their love of apple season. It was to be “a little” tattoo, but when I saw the apple blossoms sprouting along each of those arms…well, how can anyone forget to remember their good times with Michelle? I imagined that session with the tattoo artist as the Whitehead brothers gamely held out their arms — oh, to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. And from what I understand from a subsequent posting, there’s also going to be a mother-daughter tattoo session. I can’t wait to find out what design they choose. I’m already looking forward to the photos.
It’s hard to say no to Michelle when she has a plan; all she has to do is flash that vibrant smile. But a tattoo is hardly a requirement for remembering her. That’s because she’s put her indelible mark on a lot of us in so many ways, whether you’ve known her for decades or, like me, you met her briefly. She’s made a point of staying connected to everyone. Michelle is constantly reaching out and giving back. I’ve admired the way she let people help her get things done. So many people shy away from this, despite their needs, but not Michelle. She welcomes the support, and in doing so, she gives the best support of all to the people who love her. Suddenly, helping Michelle becomes an opportunity to join the circle of life.
The photos have been wonderful. We’ve lived vicariously as Michelle has taken this tumultuous journey filled highs and lows. I’ve seen the formal portraits, the action shots, the candid pictures that capture the moments that matter to her as she updates her status. She might be reclining in a chair as she cheers on Syracuse (“Bleed Orange!”), or in the middle of a pumpkin patch on a farm visit with her kids, or arm in arm with the man she so loves as they say “I do” one more time. With each new image, my heart grows a little bigger and my eyes see more of what makes life worth living.
One of my favorite photos Michelle is at Goofy’s Kitchen, cuddling up to the Disney icon. Most adults might feel silly posing with a cartoon character. Not Michelle. You can tell she’s loving every minute of it as she leans in close to that canine snout and smiles broadly for the camera. When I saw that, I almost believed for just a second or two, that Goofy was real.
But it wasn’t just Michelle who experienced that unbridled Disney delight. A second photo showed the group of girlfriends huddled together as happiness enveloped them like a big, fat hug on their special visit.Years from now, that mother with the baby in her arms will pull that photo out of a drawer and remember her adventures with Michelle. She will look at her nearly grown child and feel that warm, happy glow again. That’s because she was touched by someone special, someone who taught her to never stop grabbing for the good side of life. She will #LiveLikeMichelle and she’ll pass that enthusiasm onto her lucky child.
That’s the magic of Michelle. She doesn’t leap tall buildings in a single bound or fly faster than a speeding bullet. In her world, people matter, the good moments have real power, and love makes it all bearable.
Wherever darkness finds you, turn on the light inside yourself by believing the good matters more than the bad. Those are the threads that weave the blanket of the soul that keep us warm when the challenges of life seem insurmountable. Point your spirit towards the sun, away from the storm, and seek shelter in those little nooks and crannies where humans are kind to each other and love is the tender of the realm. That’s how you #LiveLikeMichelle.