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Some people are born to greatness, others have greatness thrust upon them.

Jo was an amazing person. Tall and elegant, Jo lit up any room she entered. And she was as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside, with a great sense of humor and bright, beautiful eyes that looked at you, not around you. She made you feel connected to her with a glance, a comment, a gesture. Compassionate and kind, she was always reaching out to other people, which is no doubt part of the reason she became a social worker. Jo was a “people person”.

In high school, Jo and Kip dated. Somehow, they drifted apart, as young lovers do. Jo married a man she met, had children, lived a nice life, and then tragedy struck. Her husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He lived a short few months. During that time, they had to scramble to get his affairs in order.

After he died, Jo went on living, but then she was diagnosed with cancer, too. Treatment after treatment left her weakened, but determined. Some people might have given up, but not Jo. She was a fighter. She beat the cancer back. She survived, and life went on.

Life often takes a funny turn here and there. Jo and Kip, the high school sweethearts, hooked up again. Their friends were delighted that these two wonderful people found each other again. They took up where they left off, as good companions and committed hearts. They played golf. Jo was a determined competitor on the course. They even entered the Senior Olympics for golf. Their life became a mix of family, friends, golf outings, and trips to CA and NH. They reached out to embrace the life they had with arms open wide.

Over time, Jo’s cancer came in and out of their lives, as cancer often does, as a shadow on the horizon. Jo went for treatments, some harder than others, and then she would recoup at home, Kip by her side, until she was able to resume her active life. It was a battle, but Jo was a gallant fighter and Kip was her rock. He didn’t run away or hide from the reality of cancer. He stood firmly by her through the ordeal as she struggled. In the end, death came unexpectedly for Jo, from complications.

The biggest question to ask after the loss of someone so special is this — what would life have been like if Jo hadn’t had all that cancer treatment? As gruelling as it was, and it was gruelling on her because cancer can be a cruel disease — what would life have been like without Jo? She left a big hole in the hearts of many who loved her when she died, none bigger than Kip’s, because she was such a powerful force of love and inspiration. As she struggled with the cancer through the last decade of her life, Jo still reached out to people, still pushed herself to be more and do more. She and Kip didn’t have enough time together. For that kind of love, there will never be enough time.

Ordinary people are a dime a dozen. Some people wander through life, unfocused, uninterested, and under-engaged in life. They don’t know how important life really is, so they squander the life they have. The Jo’s of this world are extraordinary. They reach out and grab the brass ring. They live life as fully as they can, and they invite us to do the same. Time may be shortened for a lot of cancer patients, but you will often find that cancer pushes people to use the time they have in amazing, inspiring ways.

Because Jo lived those extra years after her cancer diagnosis, the lives she touched were many, and the people she met along the way took the kindness and wisdom she shared and they passed it along to the people in their circles. Love can be contagious. Don’t ever think of cancer as the end. Think of it as a beginning. Take every day and make it meaningful. Let that be your legacy. Let that be your mark on the world.

You’re getting a chemotherapy treatment for your cancer. Maybe you’re feeling a little nauseated. You’re definitely tired. All you want to do is fall asleep for a little while as the powerful drugs course through your veins. And then you hear it. It’s your cell phone. Your boss is calling from work. This happens every fifteen or twenty minutes for the two hours you’re sitting there in the recliner, surrounded by other patients. Your boss wants to know where this is or that is. It’s imperative she knows.

What kind of boss calls a patient during chemotherapy? As if that’s not enough, the boss calls more than once?

Some people schedule their chemotherapy treatments toward the end of the day. That can make dealing with cancer treatment a lot easier when you’re still working. It’s not always possible to do this, but if you’re having difficulty getting time off from work, try to talk to the appointment scheduler about your best options. In an ideal world, patients would have the flexibility to get their chemotherapy and continue to do their jobs, but things happen that can muddy the waters.

A young woman had a very ugly public scene at the cancer center where my mother was treated. She had waited several hours for a medical exam and her chemotherapy, and she was very late getting back to work. When the parking lot attendants couldn’t immediately retrieve her car, she went ballistic, screaming and berating them. Her stress level was so high, she lost her self-control and her ability to think logically.

Fear of losing one’s job during cancer treatment can be very real, even when there are mandated protections for workers. It’s always important for cancer patients to have a clear understanding of what their rights are, but also to try to work with their employers to create a win-win situation. If you try to schedule medical appointments and treatments to interfere as little as possible with your job, not only will you avoid unnecessary stress, you will probably impress your boss with the fact that you are still doing the best you can under the circumstances, so when you’re feeling better, you’ll continue to be a valuable employee. Most bosses appreciate workers who try to give their all to the job, and they can usually find ways to help you stay on the job, while minimizing the obstacles you face.

But sometimes, no matter what you do, your boss is going to be a jerk. And sometimes the reasons behind this bad behavior are more complicated than you think. As I sat in that chemotherapy room, I observed the pale complexion of this young woman, her kerchief on the bald head, and her thin frame. Just looking at her, you knew she was at a very critical point in her chemotherapy. She just wanted to sleep, and every time she got back into her nap, the cell phone would ring.

Several of us observed this young woman’s exasperation with her boss. Her friend sat in the chair next to her, there for moral support and to provide transportation to someone not really capable of driving herself. The conversation started simply enough. Her friend was disgusted that the boss was calling. How could the boss be that insensitive? The rest of us commiserated. After all, we understood how tough it was to get chemotherapy, and we understood the aftereffects that were tough to handle.

But as the young woman talked about her job, something became obvious. Not only was she her boss’s right hand, she was a rock for the people around her. She was the “go-to” person on the job, the one with the sensible solutions and the ability to handle crises. She probably even made her boss look more effective than she really was, because she was very dedicated to the children with whom she worked.

Sometimes when strong, capable people get sick, especially with a serious illness like cancer, it can trigger panic in those who count on them. It won’t always be your boss who falls apart when you are ill. It could be a family member or a friend. When you fill the role of Superman or Superwoman in the lives of the people around you, and you are facing cancer treatment, people are terrified at the thought of losing you. They put themselves first and they think about what they stand to lose if you can’t be there for them. How dare you have the nerve to get sick when so many people need you! Don’t you know how important you are to them? The more demanding your boss, and the greater the sense of neediness, the more likely it is that he or she is terrified of losing you.

Of course, the reality is that cancer patients never ask for their disease. It happens to the best people. It happens to the smartest people. It happens to the strongest people. And sometimes, when it does, what people see is the pale skin, the bald head, and the weakness. They can’t see that you will resume a more normal life as your chemotherapy ends, or that your hair will grow back, or that you will put on weight when your appetite returns. Some people lack the vision to understand that how they treat you during your cancer treatment can have a profound effect on your energy level. You need and deserve support as you go through this process. It’s not an easy road you’re traveling, and having a needy boss just makes a hard situation harder.

Sometimes you need to stand up for yourself in a way that shows your boss you’re still the same human being you always were. It’s sad to think that you have to reassure someone else that you are doing the best you can at a time when you should be the one receiving the support. But let’s be realistic. When you’re going through cancer treatment, you really can’t do it all, nor should you have to do it. Some bosses have concerns that will fade if they better understand your situation. Other bosses will continue to be jerks. Still, it’s important to address these kinds of issues and have a meaningful dialogue. Otherwise, you will spend your time and energy dealing with the boss being a jerk, instead of directing your energy towards healing.

Just be sure to surround yourself with people who can physically and emotionally support you. Be good to yourself. Let yourself lean on others when you need assistance. You’ve probably helped a lot of people over the years, and by letting people help you in your time of need, you’re giving them a chance to give a little back. That creates balance. No one should ever do it all or do it alone. When we give, we learn to think of others. When we take, we learn to think of ourselves. If you are going to survive the obstacles that cancer puts in your path, you have to think about you, so you can be there for the people you love.

A lot of people hear the word “cancer” and think the worst. Yes, it’s a deadly disease that can kill, but a lot of people survive it. Some people go on for decades. And you can do a lot of living in a decade.

When I was getting my degree in education, I did one of my teaching practicums in the pediatrics department of a large city hospital. I met a number of children who were going through cancer treatments. Later on, I volunteered at another large teaching hospital, again in the pediatrics department. That’s where I met Scotty.

Scotty was a pip. Five years old and constantly on the move, unless the chemotherapy knocked him for a loop.

One day, Scotty’s oncologist told me that the little boy was in critical condition. He wasn’t expected to survive through the weekend. His vital signs were poor. He was in intensive care. I drove in, feeling that I owed it to Scotty to say good-bye, and to support his mother, who had had a very tough time of watching her little boy go through this ordeal. When I arrive at the ICU, I could see that little figure in the bed, hooked up to all those machines. Scotty was pale. He was all alone there. I took a deep breath and went in. I took the chair by his bedside and I greeted him with a cheerful hello. Scotty was feeling very tired, but he was still Scotty. Slowly, but surely, he began to rally a little. We talked about how sad everyone seemed to be around him. He told me he dreamed about an angel. The angel told him he couldn’t die, because his mommy would be too sad. Was this really an angel, or was it Scotty hearing his mother crying by his bedside while he slept? What really seems to matter most is that something inside Scotty clicked. Whether it was an angel, the sorrow of his mother as she contemplated losing her little boy, or the chemotherapy finally kicking in, something started to work for Scotty.

As I sat there with him for a few hours, we passed the time the way you do with children who have a silly streak. We laughed. We joked. We told each other stories. We had fun. At one point, I had my mirror out, most likely to check my mascara, because I was sure it had run  down my face as I laughed. “Can I put makeup on you?” Do you know how much courage it takes to let a five-year-old imp put make-up on you? But I figured there was no real harm, and after all, the oncologist said this was Scotty’s last few days on earth. What harm could there be?

Scotty loved every minute of it. He put shadow on my eyelids. He put blush on my cheeks. He put lipstick on my lips. I looked like a circus clown by the time he was done with me. But a funny thing happened along the way. Scotty’s vital signs started to perk up. His pulse rate improved. His oxygen level rose. These little signs showed there was still something left in him that could survive a tough bout. That weekend, Scotty went into remission.

It goes to show you that you can never really predict the end for someone. We can guess how things may go. We can look for specific “hard evidence” that someone is just about ready to die. But sometimes the opera goes on, and it’s really never over until the fat lady sings. What caused Scotty to rally that day in ICU? I think it was several things. I think it was the realization that his mother would be lost without him. I think it was also the fact that, when given the chance to be a child again, he took it. He embraced the opportunity to laugh and play. He put aside the idea that he was dying and he lived in the moment. He held on long enough for the chemotherapy to work its magic.

Sometimes we hear stories of survival and we think that it was just one thing that made all the difference. It can be. But I think it’s often many things that make the difference. Laugher helped Scotty breathe better. It increased his pulse rate, which helped his heart to function. And his dream about the angel told Scotty he still had a reason for living, so he was motivated to survive. These things all worked together to help him hold on, so that the powerful chemotherapy drugs had the chance to do their job.

Whenever you’re dealing with cancer, it’s important to understand the whole person. If you get treated with radiation and chemotherapy, that treats the physical body, even as it takes a toll on it. Some of the drugs used can have tremendously debilitating side effects, but they can have a positive outcome. How you view cancer treatment can also have an enormous impact. If you believe that death from cancer is inevitable, won’t you carry that with you wherever you go? Won’t you forever be waiting for the fat lady to sing? And in doing so, won’t you miss out on all the fun that life has to offer? Don’t live waiting to die. Live in the moment. Laugh now. Don’t put it off until you know for sure what the end result of the cancer will be. Sing. Hit those high notes. Belt it out with gusto. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but you have today. Enjoy it.

Everywhere you turn today, you hear about friends and family going through cancer treatment. Go to any major hospital or cancer center, and there will be people coming and going from treatments, whether it is radiation or chemotherapy. You might even recognize some of the people who are there. They may be a neighbor on the next street, a teacher at the elementary school your child attends, or the man you see at the gym. Some people will make it, some won’t. Some will have a few more years.

Over the course of my mother’s radiation and chemotherapy, I spent a lot of time escorting her to her treatments. She was a very social creature, and she often enjoyed the conversations with her fellow patients. Inevitably, we would learn about the lives of the people we met along the way, including a woman who had had cancer for decades, who learned how to read her own body, to recognize the signs that the cancer was coming back. Every time she would notice the little signs, she would come in for treatment. This was how she survived so many more years.

My mother gained precious time with her cancer treatment. She lived to see her grandsons grow up. She had quality of life. That is a very valuable commodity when you’re dealing with catastrophic illness.

But I think the greatest inspiration for me came after my mother’s death. Several months later, on a cruise to Bermuda, my father and I were seated at a table with several strangers. Inevitably, the conversation turned to our lives, and my father mentioned that I had taken care of my mother through her hospice experience. I talked about how difficult it had been for her to experience neuropathy, a side effect of chemotherapy. Tom, a retired banker from Minnesota, began to ask me questions. It turned out that he had had Stage 4 cancer for four years. He had already beaten his prognosis. Every night, before bed, he took his chemotherapy medicine. His wife, Carolyn, was obviously very supportive of her husband. They talked about their adventures in Bermuda, riding the Segways and exploring the streets. When I asked, Tom said he didn’t get tired from the activity, but the neuropathy was tough to take. Anyone who’s been on a heavy course of chemotherapy will probably relate to the negative side effects. As the night went on, we talked some more about our lives, and then went our separate ways. Tom had to get back to their cabin to take his medication, and Carolyn would be with him. They weren’t going to let cancer get in their way of enjoying life.

We had the pleasure of their company during another dinner on the ship. This time, we were treated to their love story. Carolyn had been injured in a car accident in Germany as a young woman, quite seriously. Tom was charged with matching her blood type in the hospital. Can you imagine seeing a young woman lying badly injured in a hospital bed and falling in love with her while she was unconscious? Can you imagine this same young woman, spending months healing after doctors put her mangled body back together again, heading to Minnesota for a job, making a decision not to drive again, only to be hit by a bus? Can you imagine her being told she would never walk again, only to yet again defy the odds? They hadn’t even kissed when he called her to tell her he loved her. They married, had children, and braved the cold, cruel Minnesota winters together. He loved his life as a banker, and he missed it, forced into retirement by his cancer. She was a college librarian, still  going off to work at the job she loved. They were still partners through all those years. He stood by her after her accidents and she stood by him through his cancer. They found love through challenges, and they used that love to get them through some very tough times. Would they have picked a life together that was less stressful? No doubt. But what if it meant they would have missed all the love they shared? Some people find strength in adversity, maybe because they know some things in life are worth fighting for, whether it is surviving an unsurvivable car accident, learning to walk again after being hit by a bus, or fighting on when cancer thinks it has you in its grip. With love, there is inspiration. Who knows when the fat lady will sing and the opera will end? Where there is music, dance. Where there is laughter, share. Where there is love, be strong. Life may not turn out the way you want, or even the way you planned, but live your life like it’s still worth living, and you may find that you have more love than you ever imagined.