People often reach out to me to share facets of their lives with cancer or with someone who has cancer. Sometimes it’s a company trying to market a product, service, or personality. Sometimes it’s a real human being with a comment that just about breaks your heart.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, you can be as famous as all get out and still have a disease like cancer. Cancer doesn’t respect fame or fortune. It’s that fortune that cancer sometimes goes after. It can be tough to handle the price of cancer treatment, especially when you don’t have (enough) health insurance.
Ever since I wrote about Suzanne Whang’s cancer, I’ve had people contacting me. They seem to be coming out of the woodwork. Some want the opportunity to use my blog to publicize their own efforts. I am wary of people looking to make a buck on the backs of cancer patients.
I am also wary of providing opportunities to raise funds for specific cancer patients. That’s not really what I do.
When I write about a celebrity like Ms. Whang, I don’t do it because I’m looking to be her next best bud. I don’t do it to schmooze with the big fish. I do it because I have enjoyed her show on HGTV over the years and find her appealing.
More importantly, I’m impressed with her credentials, not just as a cancer patient, but as someone with a background in psychology. To me, that’s someone who has some specific tools to navigate the cancer conundrum, and I’m always curious, as an educator, of the ways that can help or hinder a cancer patient.
The reality is a lot of people have cancer. It’s often heartbreaking to hear the many, many stories. But there are sometimes moments in the lives of cancer patients that are truly inspiring. Cancer patients often share some wonderful insight on how they survived their experiences, how they coped, and what worked when they needed care.
As far as celebrities go, I’m not all that impressed with fame and fortune. I don’t think it’s going to change any cancer patient’s life to know that So-and-So went to Tahiti for a luxurious spa treatment. What I’m interested in is what gets people through those dark, lonely, terrifying times and helps them to feel involved in life again. It’s that “putting one foot in front of the other” that will make a difference in someone else’s life I care about.
The truth is I stink at political correctness. I’m not impressed with money or glamor. I’m skeptical and stubborn. I don’t want to be a celebrity. I don’t want to be a star. I want to bring a little sunshine into the lives of cancer patients and their caregivers. I want to give hope, real hope, that these are the moments in life that matter, that even when cancer strikes, it doesn’t have to take over our lives. Sometimes it’s as simple as saying, “For the next hour, I’m not going to think about cancer.” Sometimes it’s about turning your back on the scariest thing you’ve ever seen and thinking about other things.
The only time celebrity cancer can help cancer patients is when there are real tidbits of information, education, and inspiration that really have nothing to do with being famous and everything to do with spreading the word about sharing with cancer patients helpful ways to cope. Celebrities often have a public platform, and that platform can reach a lot of people.
As for me, I’m not looking to be an important cancer caregiver blogger. I’m looking for that caregiver at his or her wit’s end, trying to figure out how to help a loved one. I’ve been there, done that, and have the tee shirt, and because it’s now part of my experience, I want to make life better for those caregivers who come after me. That’s my motivation, my focus, my voice.
You don’t have to be famous to help a cancer caregiver or cancer patient. You can pass along your wisdom, hard-won though it may be. Never be afraid to reach out. Never be afraid to speak up. But most of all, never forget what it is like to be there with a cancer diagnosis, in yourself or someone you love. That’s far more important than being famous. It’s being human.
For more help with your cancer caregiving, visit The Practical Caregiver Guides