On my way home from grocery shopping today, I passed a house festooned with banners and yellow ribbons. It was a welcome home for a member of our armed forces returning from war. How touching a sight it was to see. This is a family that made a big effort to let their loved one know just how missed he or she was.
As I wondered what that sweet moment would be like for the returnee, I also wondered how he or she would adjust to being home again. It takes time to reinsert yourself into “normal life” after you’ve been in a war zone. And that’s when I realized that many cancer patients have a similar experience after their treatment is over.
What do I mean by that? When you go through the rigors of cancer treatment and survive it, it can be hard to get back to “normal life”. If you’ve spent many hours at the cancer center, undergoing radiation and chemotherapy, if you’ve had surgery and dealt with the debilitating recovery, it’s fairly common to hold back a little part of yourself, to think that you’re not quite sure you’re really “home free” yet.
And in that way, you are connected to many of our returning troops. You want to trust in the good days, hoping they will lead to a permanent cure of your cancer, but the fear stays with you. Sometimes it’s right out front, in the open. Sometimes you might push it aside or bury it, but it never quite goes away.
How can you cope with the fears that accompany the end of your cancer treatment? How can you feel you are “home free”?
The truth is that, like any combat veteran, you will have to cope with the stress of having had cancer. Just as many an experienced combat vet might start suddenly and involuntarily at the sound of a car backfiring, until he or she has enough time back in the States to be able to recognize it as a car backfiring and not someone shooting, you’ll need to be patient with yourself. You may find yourself worrying constantly about every ache and pain. You might lie awake some nights fretting about whether the cancer is coming back. What can you do about it? How can you cope with it?
Time and experience are your best supports. The truth is it takes a while to feel that your body successfully beat back the cancer. You won’t know right away. But as your days evolve and you begin to shake off the side effects of cancer treatment, you are likely to feel more like your old self, and that’s a big sign that things are going well. As the days turn into weeks, and you begin to do more, your life will probably slowly resume its course.
I say probably because you’ve been changed by cancer. Even if you didn’t want it to, the experience influenced your life. It took away your sense of trust. It shook you to the very core of your foundation. It kidnapped your life and held it hostage until the treatments were done. It stole your right to choose, and in doing so, may have left you feeling powerless and weak, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally.
You’ve had a tough time with cancer, so be patient with yourself. Recognize that fear can sometimes interfere with your relationships and your outlook. Just like that combat vet returning home, it’s going to take time for you to feel comfortable moving forward with life again. You may be reluctant to jump in with both feet. If you find yourself hesitating, take a deep breath and a step. Build on the steps as you go. Understand that the people who love you may not understand the depth of the feelings you have or why you have them. If they expect you to be your old self again, now that cancer treatment is over, you may have to speak up for yourself. Be honest. You’re still sorting it out.
The people who love you will do their best to support you, even if they don’t always understand what you’re going through. Do the best you can and understand that moving forward is a process. You didn’t get cancer overnight; neither is there a magic cure. While you’re waiting to feel more like your old self, think about what you’ve learned. Did you know how many people care about you before your cancer experience? Do you have goals you’d like to reach when you feel better, dreams you discovered inside yourself? Start weighing your options and your strengths. As your mind begins to understand what you still have working for you, your confidence will return. Time will tell.