One of the toughest obstacles to overcome when a loved one has a serious disease is sometimes the chronic boredom that results from being stuck in bed. Whether adult or child, it’s hard to keep the brain interested and motivated in everyday life. As time goes on, it becomes easy to just let the hours pass by. After all, bedridden people are sick, so they should just languish there, parked in front of a TV, taking it easy.
The problem with that is people tend to give up — first on their own lives, and then on the world in general. Boredom can mask depression, and depression can take the fight out of any human being. When a person loses interest in learning, it’s a signal that there is less interest in life itself.
Squeezing in little moments of learning throughout the day, especially for children with cancer, can keep an interest in life active. Real learning peaks curiosity, and curiosity spurs learning. Why are things the way they are? How do things work? Challenging the mind to figure out puzzles sends a strong message. There are still mountains to climb, seas to explore, even if it all happens in bed.
As an educator, I have always been of the mindset that learning should be fun and that the more fun it is, the more we learn. Why? Because it sweeps us up and carries us along by momentum. We get into the flow of a discussion and we turn our brains on. We want to participate. We want to share. It takes us out of ourselves and makes us a part of a bigger group, providing socialization. And socialization is a very big part of staying involved in life. The more connected we feel to our fellow human beings, the more intertwined our lives are.
How do you, as a cancer caregiver, keep your loved one interested in learning, especially during chemotherapy? Anyone with “chemo brain” can tell you how hard it is to focus on details. Even people who were wizards of crossword puzzles often stumble during chemotherapy. Does that mean your loved one should stop trying to do the crossword puzzle? No. It means sometimes, when a word is on the tip of the tongue, but the brain can’t call it up, having a dictionary handy can help. It means using a pencil temporarily, instead of a pen. It means that when you play Scrabble or Bananas with a loved one affected that way, you turn the game from a competitive activity to a cooperative one. You play together, side by side, and make the challenge about your loved one succeeding. The reality is that sometimes chemotherapy is a handicap to thinking.
Children love games, and some favorite childhood choices are still easy even during cancer treatment. Many adults think that children’s games involve a lot of equipment and time. Some of the best games to play with children are the simplest, especially during chemotherapy. For example, “I Spy” is a verbal and visual game, with no pieces to move. All it takes is for the leader to look around the room, find one item, and decide that is “it”. He or she says, “I spy with my little eye something….” and includes a one-word description. The item could have a particular color or shape or size, something that leads the players to look around their surroundings and guess. It forces them to become better observers. You can even play “Simon Says” with a child in bed. You just scale it down to what the child is capable of doing. “Simon says wink your eye. Simon says make a funny face. Pat your head….” Playing games means being mentally active. Give a direction and it stimulates the brain. Suddenly, the whole body is paying attention to the activity, not the cancer.
That’s the real key to helping someone stuck in bed because of a serious illness. When the flesh is weak, the mind can become a strength. It can take you out of your surroundings, out of your trapped body, and put you in a novel situation. Travel documentaries can broaden anyone’s horizon, but never more so than when a person is confined to a recliner or bed. Learning about an exotic country, culture, animal, or environment provides viewers with an opportunity to see a hidden part of the world that would otherwise be passed by. Suddenly, we wonder about a particular island on the other side of the world, a unique way of life, a jungle cat that is rarely observed in the wild, or a mountain that is covered by snow for most of the year. That helps people who are stuck in bed to transcend the routineness of their everyday existence as patients in favor of embracing another view of the world. It becomes a kind of freedom.
When a person is limited physically by disease, it can feel like he or she is trapped. The four walls that surround him or her can begin to feel like a prison, and if the disease is serious enough, it can feel like a life sentence. That’s why it’s important for cancer caregivers to understand that loved ones sometimes need gentle encouragement to rise above those constraints, whether children or adults. So often caregivers see a loved one resting and the inclination is to not interfere, to not disturb. And yet, sometimes having an interesting discussion or some hearty belly laughs are just what the patient needs to feel a little less lonely, a little less stuck.
Don’t be afraid to liven things up for your loved one. Watch an interesting TV show together once in a while and talk about it. Pick up a book or magazine and share it. Play a game together. Promote the idea that a loved one with cancer is still a vital human being with something to offer the world and then find ways to help your loved one be that person. Help him or her to rise above disease by utilizing the mind, because that is where we all find hope, and without hope, we often miss the opportunity to find life. Cancer patients need to live their lives as actively as they can, even if they have to do it in bed.