You’re getting a chemotherapy treatment for your cancer. Maybe you’re feeling a little nauseated. You’re definitely tired. All you want to do is fall asleep for a little while as the powerful drugs course through your veins. And then you hear it. It’s your cell phone. Your boss is calling from work. This happens every fifteen or twenty minutes for the two hours you’re sitting there in the recliner, surrounded by other patients. Your boss wants to know where this is or that is. It’s imperative she knows.
What kind of boss calls a patient during chemotherapy? As if that’s not enough, the boss calls more than once?
Some people schedule their chemotherapy treatments toward the end of the day. That can make dealing with cancer treatment a lot easier when you’re still working. It’s not always possible to do this, but if you’re having difficulty getting time off from work, try to talk to the appointment scheduler about your best options. In an ideal world, patients would have the flexibility to get their chemotherapy and continue to do their jobs, but things happen that can muddy the waters.
A young woman had a very ugly public scene at the cancer center where my mother was treated. She had waited several hours for a medical exam and her chemotherapy, and she was very late getting back to work. When the parking lot attendants couldn’t immediately retrieve her car, she went ballistic, screaming and berating them. Her stress level was so high, she lost her self-control and her ability to think logically.
Fear of losing one’s job during cancer treatment can be very real, even when there are mandated protections for workers. It’s always important for cancer patients to have a clear understanding of what their rights are, but also to try to work with their employers to create a win-win situation. If you try to schedule medical appointments and treatments to interfere as little as possible with your job, not only will you avoid unnecessary stress, you will probably impress your boss with the fact that you are still doing the best you can under the circumstances, so when you’re feeling better, you’ll continue to be a valuable employee. Most bosses appreciate workers who try to give their all to the job, and they can usually find ways to help you stay on the job, while minimizing the obstacles you face.
But sometimes, no matter what you do, your boss is going to be a jerk. And sometimes the reasons behind this bad behavior are more complicated than you think. As I sat in that chemotherapy room, I observed the pale complexion of this young woman, her kerchief on the bald head, and her thin frame. Just looking at her, you knew she was at a very critical point in her chemotherapy. She just wanted to sleep, and every time she got back into her nap, the cell phone would ring.
Several of us observed this young woman’s exasperation with her boss. Her friend sat in the chair next to her, there for moral support and to provide transportation to someone not really capable of driving herself. The conversation started simply enough. Her friend was disgusted that the boss was calling. How could the boss be that insensitive? The rest of us commiserated. After all, we understood how tough it was to get chemotherapy, and we understood the aftereffects that were tough to handle.
But as the young woman talked about her job, something became obvious. Not only was she her boss’s right hand, she was a rock for the people around her. She was the “go-to” person on the job, the one with the sensible solutions and the ability to handle crises. She probably even made her boss look more effective than she really was, because she was very dedicated to the children with whom she worked.
Sometimes when strong, capable people get sick, especially with a serious illness like cancer, it can trigger panic in those who count on them. It won’t always be your boss who falls apart when you are ill. It could be a family member or a friend. When you fill the role of Superman or Superwoman in the lives of the people around you, and you are facing cancer treatment, people are terrified at the thought of losing you. They put themselves first and they think about what they stand to lose if you can’t be there for them. How dare you have the nerve to get sick when so many people need you! Don’t you know how important you are to them? The more demanding your boss, and the greater the sense of neediness, the more likely it is that he or she is terrified of losing you.
Of course, the reality is that cancer patients never ask for their disease. It happens to the best people. It happens to the smartest people. It happens to the strongest people. And sometimes, when it does, what people see is the pale skin, the bald head, and the weakness. They can’t see that you will resume a more normal life as your chemotherapy ends, or that your hair will grow back, or that you will put on weight when your appetite returns. Some people lack the vision to understand that how they treat you during your cancer treatment can have a profound effect on your energy level. You need and deserve support as you go through this process. It’s not an easy road you’re traveling, and having a needy boss just makes a hard situation harder.
Sometimes you need to stand up for yourself in a way that shows your boss you’re still the same human being you always were. It’s sad to think that you have to reassure someone else that you are doing the best you can at a time when you should be the one receiving the support. But let’s be realistic. When you’re going through cancer treatment, you really can’t do it all, nor should you have to do it. Some bosses have concerns that will fade if they better understand your situation. Other bosses will continue to be jerks. Still, it’s important to address these kinds of issues and have a meaningful dialogue. Otherwise, you will spend your time and energy dealing with the boss being a jerk, instead of directing your energy towards healing.
Just be sure to surround yourself with people who can physically and emotionally support you. Be good to yourself. Let yourself lean on others when you need assistance. You’ve probably helped a lot of people over the years, and by letting people help you in your time of need, you’re giving them a chance to give a little back. That creates balance. No one should ever do it all or do it alone. When we give, we learn to think of others. When we take, we learn to think of ourselves. If you are going to survive the obstacles that cancer puts in your path, you have to think about you, so you can be there for the people you love.